VOLUME FOUR: TALES FROM THE BROWN ROOM
It’s time once again to reflect upon the year 2005 and delve into some of the things that made this the totally shitty year that it was. As my mind wonders back I ask myself why the hell have I only written one other column this year. I blame myself for the lack of motivation to lift a finger to creativity this past year, therefore I shall dub 2005 “The Year Of The Sloth”. What the fuck? Why do I hate people so much? I see now why people go nutzoid and impose a self banishment from society and eventually end up living in a shack in the woods with no technology whatsoever. Is it just me or have we become such a self-centered--go fuck yourself--out of my way world, oh wait that’s me & 10 million other d-bags on the planet. Don’t mind me I’m standing in your way speaking loudly into my cell phone so you won’t miss a minute of the conversation. “Hello, I’m at Hojo’s, what ARE YOU doing, where are you at?”. I’ll give all the details of the legal ramifications and you can consult your physician, please take as needed. Avoid driving, operating heavy machinery, and taking sleep aids for the duration of your prescription. Side effects may include a sensitivity to light and a bleeding rectum.
Over heard on the streets of Chicago: (man on cell phone) “What’s the proper way to say go fuck yourself?”.
I’m going to put out an unrated director’s cut of my life with 15 minutes of never before seen footage.
I had a dream that my 6 year old gun nut nephew found a loaded 45 pistol and proceeded to blast away at all his little friends because he thought they were just “playing”. Rich Crook had the misfortune to hear his “I’m gonna get a shotgun and shoot you” spiel back in the summer of 2003. The Lost Sounds were at my house before a show in Lawrence, KS, one year later I spoke with Rich in Chicago and he asked about my nephew.
Caller go ahead.
Over heard at McDonalds in O-town: (Man ordering McRibs, buy one get one for one dollar) (for full effect say in Comic Book Guy from the Simpsons voice “I want those ribs DRY”.
Overheard at the same McDonalds: (older man who was bossing his whole family around, one of the only times I ever felt like punching a complete stranger for being a total dick) (for full effect yell loud) “I want HOT FRESH FRIES, HOT FRESH FRIES!!!”.
This has been the worst year for shows ever for me. Granted there were some great ones that I went to, but most of them were bands that I have seen at least 3 times already. The only bands that play this area (Kansas/Missouri) are the ones that know they will get a draw, you can count on seeing The Riverboat Gamblers, Throw Rag, Reverend Horton Heat, Modey Lemon, Built To Spill, tons bad emo, indie rock, and more at least twice a year or more. Don’t get me wrong those bands l listed are not horrible, it’s just that the bands that I want to see I have to travel to do so. No one wants to book those bands and the bands themselves don’t want to chance coming here. Go ask Vee Dee or The Marked Men. I’ve tried to book the bands I love but I always get the cold shoulder. If you’re wanting to play here don’t let this discourage you. Things will get better.
Drunken conversation, “You should put out our record”, my drunk brother, “All right”, six moths later and in the hole we give birth to a label. One and only release? We might just be dumb enough to lose more money. [Co-editors note: This is not an accurate description of how the conversation actually went.] Color vinyl still available if you order directly from us, and we will have some for sale at the Blackout.
I used to hate the Black Lips & didn’t care much for the Reigning Sound, this year that changed. I didn’t start liking them to jump on the band wagon. I kept watching the Black Lips video “Fad” and finally “got them”, I barely listened to their debut album up until this year & I’ve had it for two years! I saw them live twice in 2003, hated the first time, liked the second. I recommend their 2nd & 3rd album for first time listeners. As for the Reigning Sound, I finally “got them” after seeing them live, I was completely blown away. I was confused over all the hype around “Too Much Guitar”, and really couldn’t see what the fuss was about. Until May of this year I was more of a Jack Oblivian fan until Greg reached out and converted me. At least I got to see them twice this year, it could have been more if I was willing to travel.
Viagra and Ciallis now only $19.99
Shits: Hasil Adkins, Bass Wolf, Al "Grampa Munster" Lewis, Don Knotts R.I.P. ………………..
2006 the year of the shitty driver. It’s ironic that after getting four new tires on my piece of shit car that it actually helped me avoid getting hit by careless drivers at least four times in the months following. Too many “moldy oldies” and assorted douche bags on the road tied up by their cell phones or in-dash DVD players. Sometimes I think if I had access to “the button” I would push it without hesitation. We have people in the Middle East killing for their religion and kids in the Mid-West getting killed for their tennis shoes. Fuck it, I say 99.89% of our population deserves it’s debt ridden, drug addicted, living beyond it’s means existence. Drop it, I’m ready. Clone your face.
In regards to the website, I admit that we haven't done nearly enough work on it this past year. While we are constantly buying new music, and movies, as well as seeing and interviewing bands, we need to get to work and keep this thing up to date. We're sitting on tons of great interviews that will eventually see the light of day. We were suppose to throw a bigger focus on movie reviews & that also will be more predominant in the future. Another thing that I have yet to do is dedicate my review section devoted to seven inch singles, even though I have been blowing tons of money on them in the past several years, it is on the way. If all goes well we intend to update monthly.
See you fucks at the last Blackout in May, please buy me a beer. That is all.
Live Fast Die - Bandana
Thrash Record (Dead Beat) Can I Get Some More!